As a SAH mum, my godma has contributed a lot to her family and in bringing up two very successful children.
Four years ago, godma had Breast Ca. Giving her encouragement was the only thing I can do for her. She fought bravely, underwent surgery and chemo Tx. With her strong family support, she pulled through the ordeal despite facing side effects from the chemoTx. I was really thankful that she recovered well. She is always positive and throughout the ordeal I don't recall seeing her having negative thoughts or emotions.
Godma's ordeal did make me realise that life is so fragile.
But somehow, I tend to "forgot" about "this feeling".
During my poly years, I almost lost my granny when she was badly ill due to UTI. Granny managed to pull through that difficult period.
My granny was a brave and strong lady. She travelled alone to Singapore from her hometown at Hainan so as to reunite with my grandpa (who had came over to Singapore first due to the war in their hometown). Cannot imagine how she had managed to brave through the journey travelling alone in the overcrowded ship from China.
I know that it must be granny's love for grandpa that gave her the courage & determination to get through, right granny?
Though she came over with the intention to reunite with grandpa but for the first couple of years they lived separately and had a really hard life. I always feel that people in their generation are very resilient. Going through thick and thin together and not giving up (each other) easily despite the harsh & cruel circumstances they faced.
We lost my grandpa to a sudden heart attack. Though I was still very young, I remembered vividly about that evening... It was my kindergarten graduation period when we were still mourning grandpa's passing. As for granny, I guessed she adjusted herself in order to get used to the changes. I was not mature enough at that time to look into the needs that she needed most. At times, I stayed overnight with her & dropped by as often as possible. But I felt we could have overlooked her emotional needs after grandpa's passing.
While I was in poly, granny had a fateful fall and after that incident she suffered from dementia for several years. The period when she was not at her best was when her dementia started acting up and over the years her condition gets deteriorated. All her memories and thoughts were all jumbled up and she couldn't make sense of what she was saying and doing.
Though she suffered from dementia, she still put on her wide smile to others. I remembered the same group of church volunteers who never fail to drop by her bedside during their yearly visit to the nursing home. They said, "We love to see your granny, that wide smile of hers."
Thank you to those who had this positive impression of my granny, thank you.
Eventually, I lost my granny to old age. I know I have yet to move on from her passing. I couldn't forget about the whole event. I could never forget that particular day, the scene when I reached the ward first and learnt about her passing from the Doctor. I was filled with regrets over many stuff and I blamed myself for that even up till now.
Granny's passing was the hardest thing to go through.
I love you Granny and I'm missing you.
The only one thing I can console myself was that I had the chance to sleep beside her, hugged her and thanked her for everything & for being around. That was about two months before her passing..
At that time, I didn't know that this yearly habit of mine, was going to be the last time and last thing that I can do for her. I thank god for giving me the chance to say "thank you" to her in person though I wouldn't know if granny was able to understand what I had said.
Recently, people around and I have been facing with issues, be it family, personal and more of health-related.
Earlier this year, my maternal aunt was diagnosed with Breast Ca and now undergoing series of treatment. Actually she found a lump a few years back. She was unable let go of her family commitments and chose to ignore the signs & symptoms. Fortunately, the delay did not cause the cancer to metastasize. Thank god for that.
Few days ago, godma felt somehow weird at her Lt axillary LN area near the surgery site and Dr advised for scans and biopsy to rule out relapse. I really don't wish to see her to undergo that ordeal again. All of us are hoping for the best.
My closest is also facing some health issues. I am hoping and praying that with his conscious decision in making some changes, there can be some improvement to his health.
