外婆 had a mild stroke and was hospitalised in late April. These few months, 外婆 is getting weaker and has to be hospitalised more frequently due to infections. From lung to urinary infections, affecting her kidneys and heart... she's also contracted with MRSA.
She is attached to machine that tracks her pulse and oxygen level. From having nasal cannula to oxygen mask then back to nasal cannula.
Dr would administer IV antibiotics each time 外婆 is hospitalised.. Due to her fluid overload and IV administration, both her upper limbs were swollen and bruised.
After she was discharged, she is hospitalised again a few days later.. and her bruise never have the chance to recover, it just got worst each time.
After her stroke episode, she was not able to speak and she can never tell us how she's feeling. Most of the time she has her eyes closed. Whenever she opened her eyes, we would call her to get her attention, but she did not have much response.
We never know whether she can see or hear us.. even the Dr was also unsure whether her sight and hearing ability was affected by the stroke or not.
Like what the Drs have been saying, they will all try to keep her as comfortable as she could be.
I am sorry 外婆, we could not do much to make you get better.
At times, I am thinking is this the best supportive care that you needed and wanted most?
Are our decisions to your treatment making things worse for you?
Is it, 外婆?
I know I can never have an answer from you.
"谢谢你， 外婆" ... Each visit, I will hold on her hand and tell her this..
I don't want to have any regrets for not telling her that I am grateful to have her.
